Miss Muffet Knew What She Was Doing!

Posted: June 6, 2012 in Stories About Us

They are just down right creepy!  There are no ifs, ands or buts about it…Spiders freak me the hell out!

People used to ask me why I was afraid of something so tiny and little.  Then a lot of them even had the gumption to tell me that they are “good to have around the house” because they take care of the other little pests. 

WHAT!???!!??  Flies and other little insects don’t bother me!!!  They don’t have those furry little bodies with those furry little legs…with those freaking menacing eyes.  They don’t have those evil lairs that tangle you up into a heated frenzy that makes you start looking like you are a Kung Fu Expert.  And….THEY DON’T BITE!! 

So what is the point of this blog…besides pointing out that spiders are the DEVILS pawns!!!!???

The point is….that I have the greatest woman in the world.  God bless René….she may not be crazy about snakes…but she has no problem with spiders.  And she is more than willing to take on the battle when it comes to killing those little bastards! (pardon my vulgar mouth…but they are!)

Sometimes…like last night around 2:00 am…I almost had to go wake her up to kill one for me that seemed to be stalking me as I walked around the apartment.  I have done this before…and it will probably happen again…but last night I thought I would try to man-up and do it myself. 

It didn’t work!  I finally got tired of the damn thing backing me into a corner…so I stepped on it!  I could feel its body break apart and I heard a giant squishing noise!  I lifted my foot up….and somehow this FREAKING ZOMBIE SPIDER started walking away!!!!

Well….I made like Miss Muffet and got the hell out of there and locked myself in the bathroom for awhile. I figured it was a good place to go since the damn thing had scared the crap out of me.  Eventually I made my way back out to the living room…baseball bat in hand…and curled up on the couch. Needless to say…sleep eluded me the rest of the night.

  1. Queen Europa says:

    ALL BUGS ARE EVIL!!! I’m always in a battle with some sort of bugs.I’ve become a ninja with a fly swatter!

  2. You should video your Ninja skills and post them on You-Tube! : )

  3. Queen Europa says:

    Yeah,and then PETA will be after my butt for killing animals on a video!Then they will find out how much I love meat and really be pissed.I’m scared of those crazy veggie eating people!

  4. dankline2000 says:

    man this is so funny and although spiders do give me the creeps i can deal with them, but my wife on the other hand is absolutley terrified of the damn things, i remember one time i was outside and she was screaming in the house and i walked into the kitchen fearing the worst of course and there she was penned in the corner by one of those jumping spiders you know the ones that look like little were wolves all hairy and shit, well every time she would move one way or the other it would jump in the same direction as she did and she couldnt get away hence the screaming bloody murder and she is yelling at me to kill the spider just step on it squish it with something, just do something to get it away from her, wellllllll, i started to get the giggles and was throughly enjoying the show, until the little bastard actually jumped backwards and spun around at the same time and was heading for me, time for this little thing to die, as it landed i stomped the hell out of this spider to only find out it had jumped as i stomped and was now crawling up my pants leg at a furious pace, now it was my turn to squeal and squirm and slap at it in a frenzied haste only to be foiled at every smack man this was one fast spider, i did finally dislodge this demon spawn and there i was big foot stomping around the kitchen trying my best to destroy this little beast when my son walked into the kitchen picked this demon spawn up and walked him outside, imagine if you will a fully trained combat ready soldier in the Army running away from a spider, i thought i was going to have to break out my 50 cal sniper rifle just to kill this thing.

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